kristy
feexa
liz
sakeena
khairin
hanah
shid
tea
lynn
rfandi
azri
liyana
nad
shuqing
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recuperating from my blog lag 20090513
Damn.
once again, i have to feign coming out unscathed.
i dun deserve tis u noe. i absolutely dun.
at the very least u could have given me a notice but i guess u remained myopic to the kind of vested interest i have bt tis whole friendship.
im sorry man, ive tried to not betray any inner feelings but i just couldnt. my brains cant keep up with my feelings that fast.
ive grown sick and tired of sick and tired people.
so i shall rest my case.
moving on, life's been keeping me up and about.
camping, volunteering, tutoring, pubbing & what nots have been my modus operandi this whole wk and will be for the next few.
ooh and ive been learning how to fake lomo pictures & create pop art :P
not really as good as hapissed's but oh well efforts always go a looong way...
shuddup hapissed.
heh, u shud be proud im ur protege.
tis is especially for ya hapissed.
nyahahahaha, for comparison purposes, i'll put up a before and after okkayyy!
aku sebat jer aper gambar aku leh ambek so maybe tts why sum of them dun turn out as good cos like u said the original must be of good quality also right??...there ive learned so much :P
BEFORE :
AFTER :
BEFORE :
AFTER :
I MISSS YOU KRISTY!!! Your prezzie will be on the way soon enuff! hold on right there!
Tis next one is for you from my fav indonesian band. its in eng dun worry :_P
Theres tis one as well. This is super cute.. lolol
and tis one too..my favorite!
her mane sure is in the pink of health.
mann, i want the vocalist's hair!! gosh.
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hope i'll still be sane once upon the slivers of stars 20090104
there are times when you feel you haven said enuf and just want to give it closure, like bridging the gap to make you whole again. like piecing yourself together before you start to crumble as all emotions start pouring in like theres no end to it all.
emotions im nt even sure if i should have even felt at all in the first place. emotions too overpowering that it numbs the whole mental faculty that keeps you sound all this while. emotions you know that are total misfits and detrimental to the composed mind which just leave you all guilty while you know you are entitled to your own emotions.
this is just one of those times which i wished it had not even started. It is hard when as much as you want it to stop but it just keeps on coming. It is even harder when you know that in reality there will never be a period. You just know that the ounces of effort you need to toil to obliterate will turn out as bad as the feelings that you have amassed and harboured for so long. Effort that is just too much it consumes you and at the same time you know that if no closure is made, you are at the throngs of the extent of your own emotions.
either way, life just know its way of engulfing your soul and leave you flailing like a helpless bird with no wings.
It is not that my life was never filled with laughters for me to even be writing this depressing piece of turmoil. There are countless many. It is just that when there is/was a wrong trigger, all sorts of emotions to which i havent garnered enuf speed to even account for will start spinning in fast dizzying whirls. Whirls that will leave me all heady soon after.
All emotions that i know if i think hard enuf will have its history and traces but just a matter of which to which. If this world wont take me for a lunatic, i might just log and date em.
Im not a product of a broken family for people to even deserve reading this entry. Im not even a goner the way i see it. Im still that girl who knows how to hope and still have that faith and tenacity to cling on to every single scrap of hope left for her. But this is just one of those times that i will admit that i feel like im at my weakest. It makes one feel so pathetic and weak when you dun even know how to contain your emotions and not let them toy, coodle and convulate with your thoughts too much.
I miss those times when my dad used to be normal.
Normal enough to chat with us on a more daily basis so that i dun have to post such entries and be in a constant motion of hate just to feel him. Normal enough to have the instincts of a father who deliberate the vast impacts of his actions before pouncing and to understand what we are actually feeling as a family.
Normal enuf to know who he really is.
Normal enough to buy us treats.
I miss those days when i anticipate him coming back home as a normal dad.
I miss that day when he surprised me and my sis with our 'little tike house'. The very reason why i din want it to be thrashed as its my only remnant of my once normal dad.
If i were to retrace, it was too long ago. Ive missed so many days, months and years of getting to be around a normal dad who by some unspeakable charismatic means usually channel their strengths to daughters. Though i do have to say that all those moments of seeing him go thru his life have converged to provide for enough strength for me to not live the life he leads. A strength ive grown and learnt to gather on my own.
This is not even about hating the things he do and for making life difficult for me but more of how ive hated what he is now.
Nevertheless, its important for you all to know that i love my dad all the same. The more i hate the things he do, the more i feel for him. And that i should not divulge and leave him flailing helplessly. I still have that same spot he used to fill for him.
Selfishly, a lot of maladjustments had to be made by far eversince he lost his normalcies. Its obviously not helping in alleviating the sorrows i have inside but all this while ive appeared nonchalant and ridiculously ecstatic. It will remain that way for a very long time.
I rather keep the doors to the dark side slammed shut and even if you have to i'll just let you in for a peek. Just do me a favour if you happen to read this blog and you know me all too well after reading this by not asking questions that will get an emotional landslide in tow. Save me the shame of letting me in on how stupid of me to even feel all these.
Just ask me hows my day and i'll say its all fine.
And when i say that, just do be rest assured that it really was fine. And that i really am all fine.
Like i said tis is all meant to be a closure for me, myself and i. Dun butt unnecessarily if u dun know the right way to.
How i wish i can have 14 days in a week, 24 months in a year and 730 days in a
year. And have those days named after me. And have double birfdae bashes in
a year.
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when unlike poles repel and mr maslow was all wrong 20081228
when you cant even afford to make your sister happy wif a 9.90 pencil case, it sucks BIG time.
when you cant even afford to treat ur mummy n sisters wif a tad above 5 per meal, the feeling that shrouded me was just something tt deserved to be chugged down so deep in the gutter.
when ur sister gave up on that 9.90 pencil case and went abt her luck wif a 4.90 one, and her hopes went flat...tt sucks as BIG, if not mega mighty BIGGER.
at this note, i could already hear most of you mouthing what a mega loser ive been, cannot even afford a 4.90 pencil case..
why tis world just love basking in the riches of life, that you have to put a value to everything?
my sister wasnt the centre of pandemonium when she didnt get her pencil case at the mall bt tt face she gave me was that of how my love for her might have been devalued when i cant even place a worthy price tag of 4.90?
for an eldest sibling, tts enuff to squeeze me in a wring of guilt.
thanks to this superficial world that has made a poor girl like me feel much so upset even abt things like tis..or maybe i just think a wee bit too much?
go figure. it must be maslow's hierarchy of needs theory.
tts when all the pieces fit ever so perfectly.
i shall give a breakdown of this ever popular theory of all time.
This theory states that humans have five basic needs :psychology, safety, love/belonging, esteem and self-actualization. These needs are arranged in a hierarchy where the higher needs come into focus when lower needs are satisfied.
Maslow's theory intuitively makes sense in general, aint it?
BUT, I personally think it is an ill-conceived concept that limits people in their struggle to live fullfilled lives the way it is. The notion of happiness is encapsulated in satisfying needs. In reality people overestimate the impact of satisfying a need. Like how wanting to buy that pencil case bt just cant ..can make me feel so down cos I feel its a need to never let ur sisters down. And you want to satisfy that need so bad that it makes you feel all battered. hah a bit too overblown there bt hell, you get it.
I think that the struggle of satisfying needs and avoiding pain is a major source of unhappiness in our society today. It is time we eradicate Maslow's theory.
till i get her that pencil case, i noe she'll be dropping pinsized hints.
i'll get for her alrite, when im not so financially challenged.
that's that. lets detach..
mum is doin her equipose of banishing my dad to the outer reaches and dropping her voice to the lowest register in instances like when she told me to: 'cook for your dad as well' (tis means that she hadnt ignored him completely). shes the hallmark of theatrical genius i tell ya. drama mama..
and my dad..hes been staring into that lifeless square wif strings of numbers so long and graphs much that i swear i wun wana see numbers and plunging and skyscraping graphs for the next decade if i were him. what made him think that this robotic square box could promise him the life he wishes for all of us through such lifelessness of that machine, im yet to find out.
or maybe i shudnt even bother, cos if i do i might just derail his/her life. its that bad.
they have been goin on like tis on and off since...not the faintest idea.
oh well, i grant them that merci.
ive been ms tolerant that long.
maybe tis way my life will hold more shades of colours...more drama. woots!
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close your mouth mr hippotamus 20081211
The past 4 hrs or so was the last day of Hari Raya Haji. But not the last of sacrifices that have to be made by humankind for the betterment of others and oneself. Like the words of Hellen Keller, "Many persons have the wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose".
This world sure is a fast dizzying game - a roller coaster, throwing you terrified of every sharp bends, but while the journey lasts, you will soak in the moment; soaking wif excitement; wanting to get to the top of urself and just scream like a banshee with a mirror flashed in the face.
Without knowing or feigning to not know, your neighbours for the ride could have had their ears defunct or racked and misshapened their eardrums, leaving them deftone for their entire livedom.
Cant point fingers at roller coasters to be the objects of blame, they are not the 'deaf'-endents here. My point was, you cant just brush off everything in ur path to get what you want, to get to the peak of ur life literally by deafening others around you.
You get the thrill you wanted, let out ur griefs and woes as you scream at the top of ur ribcages but at the 'deaf' of others.
Why deafening others on a roller coaster ride should even be blown out of proportion you say?
Then just consider how sacrificing dun even bat the eyelashes of people or wince at the thought of it among all else capital.
It seems trivial at first but oh-so-not.
Cos all those plaintiffs will press charges for them not being able to differentiate between a 'do' and a 're'. Would have been oh-not-trivial-at-all if the rest of the roller coaster was filled with budding musicians cept you.
Therefore this universe does not orbit around you alone. All decisions and actions gravitate upon others, sending them hilter-skilter and off-tangent if you dun weigh the zone of indifference. Life is like breaths drawn from others, like sharing that cycle of air - the carbon cycle or what not...interdependent and intertwined with the lives of others.
Its like mountaineering, refusing to help the slower ones which brings nothing but impeding the whole expedition team as they lag and stall.
Hereby sacrifice renders itself to the universe making sense all over again, the one link that fills the spaces between beings of no blood ties; adjoining souls defining the world to not only be plagued by unjustifiable and insatiable human wants. Sacrifice is about not being naked just for clothing but naked for dignity and respect; homeless not for bricks and rooftops but homeless cos of rejection when you lost that dignity. Dignity that is inequitable to capital.
Sacrifice in its whole true entirety is submission and not surrender.
It should be one that is sincere and not something to be articulated to drown and dissolve the suppress of bad karma at the back of your throat or milk the good retribution or prolly to jump the queue to heaven (in Sin-cha-por terms : must sac-ri-fy, if not you go hell ley), im not talking about offerings of sacrifices here, just sacrifice standalone; like how you would define "I sacrificed my job so that i could look after my kids".
Tho theres only a fine line separating submission and surrender.
So, maybe the next time you are on a roller coaster ride, try to reduce your screamings and squealings. Sacrifice your fear for heights or your need for cheap thrill of screaming decibels at ultimatum height if you are sure you cant close ur mouths. Cos seriously i had my fair share of saliva in ur mouth already.
Supa dupa gross.
God noes what species of bacterium thrived in that splat of saliva on my arm that day.
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buying youth? 20081207
Baked a storm on Thursday. Heh, not exactly a storm but sugee cookies and a rainbow marble cake for Hari Raya Haji. Weeepeeedeeedokadoiingz! ;)
Sugee cookies
Rainbow marble cake : this i made in collaboration wif my mum
That will be all there is to my Hari Raya Haji, wif the customary chaperons; maybe chicken kurma or chicken rendang and briyani. Tho theres nothing much really other than the savours, still that makes me a jubilant one :)
This next installment will spell of how unscrupulous shenanigans can wring your biggy big pockets dry out of the downtrodden, literally.
Application form read : We will be responsible for looking for clients for our
models.
Guy : Btw, we are different from those agencies in HDB who are
more often than not are in desperate need for models, thus, they will scout desperately for models without any projects at hand. For us, we liaise wif considerably large corporations who will book us for projects and then scout for new faces or take on available existing models.
Me to myself : Ahuhh. So much for calling other agencies desperate. Urs aint any better. What was all the "Our agency is looking for faces to be in Singtel's upcoming commercial" about when nothin bt it was even mentioned during the introductory rite of theirs or watevr. Reeks of desperado mucho to moi, using that tactic as a booby trap.
And here i am foolhardy to think that they picked us out of simple random selection on that morning at fine and dandy orchard rd and i'll get to be one of those everyday faces in a colossal montage of Singaporeans who subscribe to Singtel (tho ironically im not) as concession to a less soporific holiday.
From this holiday so dreary that i could just peel my skin ( u noe skin that gets soaked in water and swells a whitish fold, oooh i love to peel em') sore and dry, like plucking fur off a Persian cat?
So dreary that i could just walk the length of Orchard Road wif a getup which looked like i just rammed into a Roman candle. LOL check out this linkie kali babas : http://www.asylum.com/gallery/the-weirdest-victorias-secret-outfits-we-found/521620/
and count all those whose heads spin wif jawgaping disbelief. Yea im highstrung. Hah.
Guy : you noe both of you have one thing in common. u noe wat?
me and fren : err. No.
Guy : You are both young. Clients prefer young faces. So after all that, dun u want to noe how much u'll have to pay for the portfolio? (there were other bouts he was tellin us bt they just trailed off into a lull voice in my cerebral at tt point)
me and fren : *we gave the wth look at each other*
fren : so.....what now we have to pay this lump sum of 680 for 5 outfits photography like now itself?...
Guy : you may bt i understand ur students and wun be able to pay now but u can cash in deposit or alternatively u can pay the full amt another day bt im afraid by then our ready clients will not be looking for models anymore.
me : * here- he- goes-yada-yada-subdued interest look*
Guy : you can also look at 3 outfits which will go at 480 buckeroos.
fren : ok watevr it is i can only confirm in 2 wks time
me : for me tt amount will only be attainable like by end jan 2009? (in my hart, yae as if, you can bid ur 480 buckeroos bon voyage...rather splurge it on an ipod)
soon, we treaded out of the agency.
The punchline is anyone can be models these days esp wif those bulging faux leather wallets to boot. This industry in Singapore as i see it is deluded. U dun pay 480 buckeroos to clinch a bank job do you? so why does tis has to be any different? Just for tt effing portfolio that they will do up nice nice sui sui for you. Little tt u noe u might look worse than you already are. what if they make you look like this mentel gundu here? HAHA
or even if you dont, what are the odds of even appearing as endearing to these clients so that they will partake you for their projects? and get future projects? you wouldnt wana stop at one.
If thats the case, forking 480 as investment (as the guy puts it) will make for loss on our side. Its not like i blardy care but wat abt those passionate and hard-up for modeling?
I mean cant these people just cover the costs of creating our portfolios and then just reap their due and deserved amt from the projects itself? Since its ur responsibility to find clients for every face then it shudnt be a problem for them to keep projects and moolah coming rite? As in it will be of duty for them to find the means possible in their stride to keep them coming? As of now watever this agency and all those in the cahoots are doing seem like they are just falling on the game of heads-and-tail of which of those whose entrance will send blue and orange notes whizzing in their faces. just my fifteen cents worth not trying to rough people up the wrong way but blogging is just the economy of speaking my mind for me :) PEACE.
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20081009
here comes nothing.
first SHIT : I MISSED LIFEHOUSE LIVE AT ST JAMES!! (HOW COULD YOU HAVE MISSED IT..SERIOUSLY SHOOTS AND SHITS)
second SHIT : where the heck has my stickam player gone to?? (to www.blogger.com : did u steal my player? did you or did you? arghh now i have to settle for a new one)
third SHIT : my hair is in the becoming of an unscrupulous shit.
fourth SHIT : exams EXAMS exams EXAMS!!!!
fifth SHIT : i cant seem to focus/concentrate/drill etcetcetc
sixth SHIT : ive spent sooo much on public transport-ers (can also be defined as extort-ers) - i bet from 1 bux for feeder services it will soon hike to 2 bux.
just for a few friggin stops..and you noe you wudnt wana walk even if its only a few stops away - beaten by the torrid sun, it'll take a good 10 mins walk and esp who cud resist taking a bus when you see an approaching one and before you realise it, your pocket will weigh 2 bux less. WTH, and they are so smart to provide air-conditioned buses, thinking no one will contend on the fact that they are providing less-than-satisfactory services.
I already am less-than-satisfied. WHO COULD REFUND MY 14600 MINUTES (averaged out in half a yr) OF JUST WAITING FOR THE EFFING 912 (FEEDER SERVICE SUMMORE!)
yea those were/are the usual rambles of a typical singaporean.
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Damn.
once again, i have to feign coming out unscathed.
i dun deserve tis u noe. i absolutely dun.
at the very least u could have given me a notice but i guess u remained myopic to the kind of vested interest i have bt tis whole friendship.
im sorry man, ive tried to not betray any inner feelings but i just couldnt. my brains cant keep up with my feelings that fast.
ive grown sick and tired of sick and tired people.
so i shall rest my case.
moving on, life's been keeping me up and about.
camping, volunteering, tutoring, pubbing & what nots have been my modus operandi this whole wk and will be for the next few.
ooh and ive been learning how to fake lomo pictures & create pop art :P
not really as good as hapissed's but oh well efforts always go a looong way...
shuddup hapissed.
heh, u shud be proud im ur protege.
tis is especially for ya hapissed.
nyahahahaha, for comparison purposes, i'll put up a before and after okkayyy!
aku sebat jer aper gambar aku leh ambek so maybe tts why sum of them dun turn out as good cos like u said the original must be of good quality also right??...there ive learned so much :P
BEFORE :
AFTER :
BEFORE :
AFTER :
I MISSS YOU KRISTY!!! Your prezzie will be on the way soon enuff! hold on right there!
Tis next one is for you from my fav indonesian band. its in eng dun worry :_P
Theres tis one as well. This is super cute.. lolol
and tis one too..my favorite!
her mane sure is in the pink of health.
mann, i want the vocalist's hair!! gosh.
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there are times when you feel you haven said enuf and just want to give it closure, like bridging the gap to make you whole again. like piecing yourself together before you start to crumble as all emotions start pouring in like theres no end to it all.
emotions im nt even sure if i should have even felt at all in the first place. emotions too overpowering that it numbs the whole mental faculty that keeps you sound all this while. emotions you know that are total misfits and detrimental to the composed mind which just leave you all guilty while you know you are entitled to your own emotions.
this is just one of those times which i wished it had not even started. It is hard when as much as you want it to stop but it just keeps on coming. It is even harder when you know that in reality there will never be a period. You just know that the ounces of effort you need to toil to obliterate will turn out as bad as the feelings that you have amassed and harboured for so long. Effort that is just too much it consumes you and at the same time you know that if no closure is made, you are at the throngs of the extent of your own emotions.
either way, life just know its way of engulfing your soul and leave you flailing like a helpless bird with no wings.
It is not that my life was never filled with laughters for me to even be writing this depressing piece of turmoil. There are countless many. It is just that when there is/was a wrong trigger, all sorts of emotions to which i havent garnered enuf speed to even account for will start spinning in fast dizzying whirls. Whirls that will leave me all heady soon after.
All emotions that i know if i think hard enuf will have its history and traces but just a matter of which to which. If this world wont take me for a lunatic, i might just log and date em.
Im not a product of a broken family for people to even deserve reading this entry. Im not even a goner the way i see it. Im still that girl who knows how to hope and still have that faith and tenacity to cling on to every single scrap of hope left for her. But this is just one of those times that i will admit that i feel like im at my weakest. It makes one feel so pathetic and weak when you dun even know how to contain your emotions and not let them toy, coodle and convulate with your thoughts too much.
I miss those times when my dad used to be normal.
Normal enough to chat with us on a more daily basis so that i dun have to post such entries and be in a constant motion of hate just to feel him. Normal enough to have the instincts of a father who deliberate the vast impacts of his actions before pouncing and to understand what we are actually feeling as a family.
Normal enuf to know who he really is.
Normal enough to buy us treats.
I miss those days when i anticipate him coming back home as a normal dad.
I miss that day when he surprised me and my sis with our 'little tike house'. The very reason why i din want it to be thrashed as its my only remnant of my once normal dad.
If i were to retrace, it was too long ago. Ive missed so many days, months and years of getting to be around a normal dad who by some unspeakable charismatic means usually channel their strengths to daughters. Though i do have to say that all those moments of seeing him go thru his life have converged to provide for enough strength for me to not live the life he leads. A strength ive grown and learnt to gather on my own.
This is not even about hating the things he do and for making life difficult for me but more of how ive hated what he is now.
Nevertheless, its important for you all to know that i love my dad all the same. The more i hate the things he do, the more i feel for him. And that i should not divulge and leave him flailing helplessly. I still have that same spot he used to fill for him.
Selfishly, a lot of maladjustments had to be made by far eversince he lost his normalcies. Its obviously not helping in alleviating the sorrows i have inside but all this while ive appeared nonchalant and ridiculously ecstatic. It will remain that way for a very long time.
I rather keep the doors to the dark side slammed shut and even if you have to i'll just let you in for a peek. Just do me a favour if you happen to read this blog and you know me all too well after reading this by not asking questions that will get an emotional landslide in tow. Save me the shame of letting me in on how stupid of me to even feel all these.
Just ask me hows my day and i'll say its all fine.
And when i say that, just do be rest assured that it really was fine. And that i really am all fine.
Like i said tis is all meant to be a closure for me, myself and i. Dun butt unnecessarily if u dun know the right way to.
How i wish i can have 14 days in a week, 24 months in a year and 730 days in a
year. And have those days named after me. And have double birfdae bashes in
a year.
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when you cant even afford to make your sister happy wif a 9.90 pencil case, it sucks BIG time.
when you cant even afford to treat ur mummy n sisters wif a tad above 5 per meal, the feeling that shrouded me was just something tt deserved to be chugged down so deep in the gutter.
when ur sister gave up on that 9.90 pencil case and went abt her luck wif a 4.90 one, and her hopes went flat...tt sucks as BIG, if not mega mighty BIGGER.
at this note, i could already hear most of you mouthing what a mega loser ive been, cannot even afford a 4.90 pencil case..
why tis world just love basking in the riches of life, that you have to put a value to everything?
my sister wasnt the centre of pandemonium when she didnt get her pencil case at the mall bt tt face she gave me was that of how my love for her might have been devalued when i cant even place a worthy price tag of 4.90?
for an eldest sibling, tts enuff to squeeze me in a wring of guilt.
thanks to this superficial world that has made a poor girl like me feel much so upset even abt things like tis..or maybe i just think a wee bit too much?
go figure. it must be maslow's hierarchy of needs theory.
tts when all the pieces fit ever so perfectly.
i shall give a breakdown of this ever popular theory of all time.
This theory states that humans have five basic needs :psychology, safety, love/belonging, esteem and self-actualization. These needs are arranged in a hierarchy where the higher needs come into focus when lower needs are satisfied.
Maslow's theory intuitively makes sense in general, aint it?
BUT, I personally think it is an ill-conceived concept that limits people in their struggle to live fullfilled lives the way it is. The notion of happiness is encapsulated in satisfying needs. In reality people overestimate the impact of satisfying a need. Like how wanting to buy that pencil case bt just cant ..can make me feel so down cos I feel its a need to never let ur sisters down. And you want to satisfy that need so bad that it makes you feel all battered. hah a bit too overblown there bt hell, you get it.
I think that the struggle of satisfying needs and avoiding pain is a major source of unhappiness in our society today. It is time we eradicate Maslow's theory.
till i get her that pencil case, i noe she'll be dropping pinsized hints.
i'll get for her alrite, when im not so financially challenged.
that's that. lets detach..
mum is doin her equipose of banishing my dad to the outer reaches and dropping her voice to the lowest register in instances like when she told me to: 'cook for your dad as well' (tis means that she hadnt ignored him completely). shes the hallmark of theatrical genius i tell ya. drama mama..
and my dad..hes been staring into that lifeless square wif strings of numbers so long and graphs much that i swear i wun wana see numbers and plunging and skyscraping graphs for the next decade if i were him. what made him think that this robotic square box could promise him the life he wishes for all of us through such lifelessness of that machine, im yet to find out.
or maybe i shudnt even bother, cos if i do i might just derail his/her life. its that bad.
they have been goin on like tis on and off since...not the faintest idea.
oh well, i grant them that merci.
ive been ms tolerant that long.
maybe tis way my life will hold more shades of colours...more drama. woots!
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The past 4 hrs or so was the last day of Hari Raya Haji. But not the last of sacrifices that have to be made by humankind for the betterment of others and oneself. Like the words of Hellen Keller, "Many persons have the wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose".
This world sure is a fast dizzying game - a roller coaster, throwing you terrified of every sharp bends, but while the journey lasts, you will soak in the moment; soaking wif excitement; wanting to get to the top of urself and just scream like a banshee with a mirror flashed in the face.
Without knowing or feigning to not know, your neighbours for the ride could have had their ears defunct or racked and misshapened their eardrums, leaving them deftone for their entire livedom.
Cant point fingers at roller coasters to be the objects of blame, they are not the 'deaf'-endents here. My point was, you cant just brush off everything in ur path to get what you want, to get to the peak of ur life literally by deafening others around you.
You get the thrill you wanted, let out ur griefs and woes as you scream at the top of ur ribcages but at the 'deaf' of others.
Why deafening others on a roller coaster ride should even be blown out of proportion you say?
Then just consider how sacrificing dun even bat the eyelashes of people or wince at the thought of it among all else capital.
It seems trivial at first but oh-so-not.
Cos all those plaintiffs will press charges for them not being able to differentiate between a 'do' and a 're'. Would have been oh-not-trivial-at-all if the rest of the roller coaster was filled with budding musicians cept you.
Therefore this universe does not orbit around you alone. All decisions and actions gravitate upon others, sending them hilter-skilter and off-tangent if you dun weigh the zone of indifference. Life is like breaths drawn from others, like sharing that cycle of air - the carbon cycle or what not...interdependent and intertwined with the lives of others.
Its like mountaineering, refusing to help the slower ones which brings nothing but impeding the whole expedition team as they lag and stall.
Hereby sacrifice renders itself to the universe making sense all over again, the one link that fills the spaces between beings of no blood ties; adjoining souls defining the world to not only be plagued by unjustifiable and insatiable human wants. Sacrifice is about not being naked just for clothing but naked for dignity and respect; homeless not for bricks and rooftops but homeless cos of rejection when you lost that dignity. Dignity that is inequitable to capital.
Sacrifice in its whole true entirety is submission and not surrender.
It should be one that is sincere and not something to be articulated to drown and dissolve the suppress of bad karma at the back of your throat or milk the good retribution or prolly to jump the queue to heaven (in Sin-cha-por terms : must sac-ri-fy, if not you go hell ley), im not talking about offerings of sacrifices here, just sacrifice standalone; like how you would define "I sacrificed my job so that i could look after my kids".
Tho theres only a fine line separating submission and surrender.
So, maybe the next time you are on a roller coaster ride, try to reduce your screamings and squealings. Sacrifice your fear for heights or your need for cheap thrill of screaming decibels at ultimatum height if you are sure you cant close ur mouths. Cos seriously i had my fair share of saliva in ur mouth already.
Supa dupa gross.
God noes what species of bacterium thrived in that splat of saliva on my arm that day.
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Baked a storm on Thursday. Heh, not exactly a storm but sugee cookies and a rainbow marble cake for Hari Raya Haji. Weeepeeedeeedokadoiingz! ;)
Sugee cookies
Rainbow marble cake : this i made in collaboration wif my mum
That will be all there is to my Hari Raya Haji, wif the customary chaperons; maybe chicken kurma or chicken rendang and briyani. Tho theres nothing much really other than the savours, still that makes me a jubilant one :)
This next installment will spell of how unscrupulous shenanigans can wring your biggy big pockets dry out of the downtrodden, literally.
Application form read : We will be responsible for looking for clients for our
models.
Guy : Btw, we are different from those agencies in HDB who are
more often than not are in desperate need for models, thus, they will scout desperately for models without any projects at hand. For us, we liaise wif considerably large corporations who will book us for projects and then scout for new faces or take on available existing models.
Me to myself : Ahuhh. So much for calling other agencies desperate. Urs aint any better. What was all the "Our agency is looking for faces to be in Singtel's upcoming commercial" about when nothin bt it was even mentioned during the introductory rite of theirs or watevr. Reeks of desperado mucho to moi, using that tactic as a booby trap.
And here i am foolhardy to think that they picked us out of simple random selection on that morning at fine and dandy orchard rd and i'll get to be one of those everyday faces in a colossal montage of Singaporeans who subscribe to Singtel (tho ironically im not) as concession to a less soporific holiday.
From this holiday so dreary that i could just peel my skin ( u noe skin that gets soaked in water and swells a whitish fold, oooh i love to peel em') sore and dry, like plucking fur off a Persian cat?
So dreary that i could just walk the length of Orchard Road wif a getup which looked like i just rammed into a Roman candle. LOL check out this linkie kali babas : http://www.asylum.com/gallery/the-weirdest-victorias-secret-outfits-we-found/521620/
and count all those whose heads spin wif jawgaping disbelief. Yea im highstrung. Hah.
Guy : you noe both of you have one thing in common. u noe wat?
me and fren : err. No.
Guy : You are both young. Clients prefer young faces. So after all that, dun u want to noe how much u'll have to pay for the portfolio? (there were other bouts he was tellin us bt they just trailed off into a lull voice in my cerebral at tt point)
me and fren : *we gave the wth look at each other*
fren : so.....what now we have to pay this lump sum of 680 for 5 outfits photography like now itself?...
Guy : you may bt i understand ur students and wun be able to pay now but u can cash in deposit or alternatively u can pay the full amt another day bt im afraid by then our ready clients will not be looking for models anymore.
me : * here- he- goes-yada-yada-subdued interest look*
Guy : you can also look at 3 outfits which will go at 480 buckeroos.
fren : ok watevr it is i can only confirm in 2 wks time
me : for me tt amount will only be attainable like by end jan 2009? (in my hart, yae as if, you can bid ur 480 buckeroos bon voyage...rather splurge it on an ipod)
soon, we treaded out of the agency.
The punchline is anyone can be models these days esp wif those bulging faux leather wallets to boot. This industry in Singapore as i see it is deluded. U dun pay 480 buckeroos to clinch a bank job do you? so why does tis has to be any different? Just for tt effing portfolio that they will do up nice nice sui sui for you. Little tt u noe u might look worse than you already are. what if they make you look like this mentel gundu here? HAHA
or even if you dont, what are the odds of even appearing as endearing to these clients so that they will partake you for their projects? and get future projects? you wouldnt wana stop at one.
If thats the case, forking 480 as investment (as the guy puts it) will make for loss on our side. Its not like i blardy care but wat abt those passionate and hard-up for modeling?
I mean cant these people just cover the costs of creating our portfolios and then just reap their due and deserved amt from the projects itself? Since its ur responsibility to find clients for every face then it shudnt be a problem for them to keep projects and moolah coming rite? As in it will be of duty for them to find the means possible in their stride to keep them coming? As of now watever this agency and all those in the cahoots are doing seem like they are just falling on the game of heads-and-tail of which of those whose entrance will send blue and orange notes whizzing in their faces. just my fifteen cents worth not trying to rough people up the wrong way but blogging is just the economy of speaking my mind for me :) PEACE.
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here comes nothing.
first SHIT : I MISSED LIFEHOUSE LIVE AT ST JAMES!! (HOW COULD YOU HAVE MISSED IT..SERIOUSLY SHOOTS AND SHITS)
second SHIT : where the heck has my stickam player gone to?? (to www.blogger.com : did u steal my player? did you or did you? arghh now i have to settle for a new one)
third SHIT : my hair is in the becoming of an unscrupulous shit.
fourth SHIT : exams EXAMS exams EXAMS!!!!
fifth SHIT : i cant seem to focus/concentrate/drill etcetcetc
sixth SHIT : ive spent sooo much on public transport-ers (can also be defined as extort-ers) - i bet from 1 bux for feeder services it will soon hike to 2 bux.
just for a few friggin stops..and you noe you wudnt wana walk even if its only a few stops away - beaten by the torrid sun, it'll take a good 10 mins walk and esp who cud resist taking a bus when you see an approaching one and before you realise it, your pocket will weigh 2 bux less. WTH, and they are so smart to provide air-conditioned buses, thinking no one will contend on the fact that they are providing less-than-satisfactory services.
I already am less-than-satisfied. WHO COULD REFUND MY 14600 MINUTES (averaged out in half a yr) OF JUST WAITING FOR THE EFFING 912 (FEEDER SERVICE SUMMORE!)
yea those were/are the usual rambles of a typical singaporean.
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shes wishing she could just be those sliver of stars that will embrace the skies and shine the dulls of the night
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