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20060430
new and confirmed revelation..
i look like almost anybody and everybody..hhaaha..
hadhinah has a common face..oh gosh!

some of my secondary school frens even remarked tt i look like rilla melati and hafiz just pointed out to me tt i look like one of his frens,whos nt even a gerl (mind you).wth is tt suppose to mean..ouhh shutss its my new darn freakin short haircut..

he even saed if tt fren of his came down for the pit, we would have passed off as siblings..OMIGOODNESS..haha

n im nt spared of tis utter madness in pri skool as well..
there was once my higher malay teacher even told me tt she mistook one of her class's students for me. worse still she actually called out mi name instead of tt gerl's name.

the punchline is whoever im with alwaes has sumting to sae abt mi striking resemblance with whoevr frens or acquaintances tt they have..those examples mentioned above were not all there is to it..

i went chillin out with Hafiz yesterdae.
niwae thanx for the night..it was nice to once again so-called lepak after what seems like eternity. we were supposed to eat at Parkway Parade but he dragged me to his friend's pit's at East Coast. its really very ok hafiz..i could have blown up but i was too nice yesterdae,its just ur luck tt i didnt..hahah
cos' if i did u gotta have to treat me movies or sumting..its an obligation bt ive swallowed those intentions..so its FINE.

n its not even hafiz's fren's pit.
it's hafiz's fren's fren's pit.
imagine how awkward i was yesterdae.
actually it's both me n hafiz who felt awkward.
hahah..

ps:
i understand why u hate ur bro so much.he's pretty impressionable huh.
ive already begun to hate him from the moment u started telling me abt him. hes such a cock-up. he ought to be shot. ahha..


arghh.
im so freaking pissed with mi dad yesterdae.
so ok fine "anak dara tak boleh balek lmbt".
tt is so passe.
tt catchphrase of his should have been kept to himself and to the bottomest of the pits of his medulla oblangata.

and the medulla oblangata should have just retained those ****ing irritable words and not propagate a negative feedback to his mouth.

DARN IT.

tis is lyke not the first time in a row tt ive been back home so late.
he even witnessed the 3am come-back-home.
why couldnt he stand the 2am one then??
1 hr before makes a whole lot of difference to 1 hr after.
whats with him??

i tot dads like it when uve made the effort to make a trip journey home n appear at the doorstep like an hr earlier than the previous timing.
shuts.
he wasnt too happy with the number 2 i guess.
its just the number. ok fine.
i shall change it with sum other number for gd nxt tyme.
4, probably.
it looks gd.

i think its the word late-nite movies as well.
i presumed he was deprived of movies back then.
maybe the seats tt they had werent as good as those in cineplexes now.
i didnt noe nitty-gritty like tis would leave such a lasting impact on him till he had to affect mine.

he saed he would cut my allowance short if he hear the word movies again.
WAHAHAHAHAHHS.

what makes him think i would tell him tt i'll be watchin movies the nxt tyme rd..hah
i could tell him anything else but movies.

n gosh being 18 going on 19 just so means tt i noe how to distinguish btw right and wrong.
n cumin home late in s'pore's context is not wrong in every sense of the word.
n stop discriminating gerls just cos we are gerls.
fuck those rapists out there who have made our lives so hard to live by.


im so pissed with him.
20060422
still very much alive..
just very busy.

To us mortals, its thunder, lightning and rain. Actually, truth is, up there, they are at it again, spring-cleaning.

Thunder: Moving the monstrous heavy wardrobes but accidentally topple them down the stairs, hence, explain the crashing booming sound of thunder. (Dunch worry, the lower dark clouds will catch their wardrobes, and no, you won't get free clothes.)

Lightning: They didn't invest in good lightbulbs like Philips, therefore get flickering lights whenever someone sneezes. (They are real angry they have no Philips, so, hide, their lights can strike and kill.)

Rain: Either they are doing a real kind deed to water our plants and flowers, or someone naughty thinks its really funny to pee on us. (Come on, take your best aim, I've got brolly.)

So the next time it rains, sure, roll your eyes and groan, their homes are way cleaner than yours anyway.
lately, they've been doing a rather critical overhaul.
this is the time for my clean-out showdown.

my mind just wandered to the mythical immortals and swashbuckling Hercules, soon after i thought of that analogy that was seriously not sculpted to chide God.
Greek people are fascinating.
how i wish i was Megara or even Deianira.
wahas.
i dun have the least bit idea how maths led me to the Greeks.

ohmigoodness..sometimes i wish i could just work some magic and vanish from this outermost crust of the Earth.
i wouldnt have to care about A levels, about the major turning point in my life and about almost everything else.

i feel like im a rubber band that's about to snap once it is stretched beyond what it can take.

Everyone needs closure, but not everyone can afford to give it.
Its a selfish act.
But cut me some slack.
I wish I knew how to stop breathing... and caring and worrying.
im in love with a stranger
20060402
woooots~ its been very long since i blogged and went bloghopping.

some ppl already pushed me on to update so i shall..

things have been getting out of hand for me emotionally and intellectually.

let me start the ball rolling by talking abt my splendid results for the count.
OO and ungraded(i didnt turn up for chem paper 2), a product of last minute studying i presume..
or is it karma for always chiding my sisters off when im simply pms-ing?
or for cracking up insensitive jokes?
or for getting on my teacher's nerves for being absent from school with no apparent reasons?

for the latter, i tink ive blown my cover off when i saed im sick when im not without feigning sick the next day in school..ms chew just had to smirk politely when she came over telling me to account for the 3 days that i was absent.

things couldnt get any worse when i overheard rumours that all retainees who are not performing up to expectations are to kindly have a tea reception together with our parents and have an unprecedented meeting under an incandescent fluorescent lamp of the principal's office. awww how poignant.

tipping the balance, i tink im in love with a stranger. a total stranger.
i tink im wasting my time awae again like how i used to.
wasted time on opportunities that will never come ..
wasted time on hanging by the moment
wasted time on letting myself falter in the formidable matters of the heart
wasted time in desperation
wasted time in the poetic soul of emotions
wasted time wafting awae into romantic fairytales of white nights and golden domes
wasted time into nothingness

is it worth it to follow my hunch for whatever reasons they may be?

im too lost in myself or rather the tenacities that ive thrust myself into to even sense what's the hunch. ive lost a fraction of myself to a life that i should have called quits a length ago. the fraction's that bereft of me is just bearing witness to the seemingly perennial nature of the next 6 or 7 mths of jc life..everything else has departed leaving a grappling soul.

im emotionally affected and still waiting for those tell-tale signs.
knock some sense into me if u strongly feel that i need it.

im so sorrie man to break out of the hiatus on a rather sad note.
i'll soon forget everything and be giggling away with my girls.